What is Effective Divorce Counseling?

Let’s face facts. The vast majority divorced or soon to be divorced individuals consider the process of legal separation to be one of the worst experiences of their lives. Although the severity of the process varies drastically from case to case, a divorce is never easy for anyone.

Faced with innumerable day-to-day hassles and headaches, those in the midst of a divorce might loose sight of the fact that the process is fundamentally one of transition. Like most significant transitions, divorce comes saddled with a great deal of confusion and pain. One should never loose sight, however, of the transition’s capacity to bring hope and the promise of future happiness. There is always a light at the end of the tunnel…even if that light is not always clearly visible!

With this analogy in mind, choose divorce counseling that seeks to guide you through the “tunnel” of divorce as painlessly as possible. Feel free to seek divorce counseling tailored to your own specific needs, but whatever program you choose, make certain that it stresses the 10 points outlined below. Those who have secured divorce counseling services that fail to incorporate these essential elements should consider other therapeutic regimens.

1. Establish a clear, actionable divorce counseling plan with accountability

Proactivity is absolutely crucial to any effective divorce counseling program. Therapist/coach and client should agree on a course of treatment with a clearly delineated schedule. Part of this scheduling means establishing a definitive beginning and, most importantly, end date for the program. You may never get to that light if you indefinitely extend your time in the tunnel!

2. Manage crises before more long-term issues arise

What many people going through divorce don’t realize is that every decision or action they take while in crisis can have long term effects or their lives and overall well-being. Divorce counseling focuses on the most pressing issues first, and addresses other struggles once the more “life threatening” problems have been solved. The methods used to manage the crisis of divorce should promptly and productively target issues that might become intractable if left untreated.

3. Find a safe, non-judgmental divorce counseling environment

Clients must feel as though they can tell their therapist/coach absolutely anything without fear of negative preconceptions, prejudices or criticism. This holds true for divorce counseling as it does for every other form of psychological and emotional treatment. If your divorce therapist/coach does not foster a secure environment that encourages you to share your feelings free of judgment and retribution, you should seek other professional help immediately.

4. Seek a counselor who provides direct, honest and compassionate feedback

Part and parcel of establishing a safe and non-judgmental environment, a counselor’s method of interaction with his or her client must always be both direct and empathetic. Some therapists tend to placate their clients by telling them exactly what they want to hear. Others couch their analysis in terms so harsh that it is becomes an attack destined to do more harm than good. An effective divorce counseling program of treatment is one that strikes a balance between honesty and compassion.

5. Schedule divorce counseling meetings as often as needed

The amount of time between sessions can make the difference between a divorce counseling program that works and one that doesn’t. As each client comes to the table with his or her own schedule and and unique list of personal needs, programs must be designed on an individual basis. The frequency of meetings must be sufficient to successfully complete the desired course of treatment.

6. Client should be encouraged to be completely honest

Honestly is the hallmark of every successful counseling program, and no course of treatment can succeed with a lack of honest and open communication. Clients who are not encouraged to speak honestly or are placed in situations wherein frank discussion is in any way inhibited will inevitably face therapeutic difficulties.

7. Learn the difference between blaming and accountability

An important part of the healing process is accepting personal responsibility for one’s actions and owning one’s thoughts and feelings. Estranged spouses must learn to hold themselves and their partners accountable for their actions, but control feelings of resentment and blame.

8. Client must be prepared to take ownership of his or her own issues and work on them

Accurate, detailed self-assessment is a skill that few can adequately master without professional guidance. And even those that are finally able to recognize and accept their psychological and emotional issues can take no real step toward recovery without a steadfast willingness to confront and mitigate the issues that are holding them back.

9. Receive education about the divorce counseling and legal process

In addition to attending to personal well-being and mental health, a good divorce counselor will also give their clients the basic information that they need to navigate the “tunnel” of legal separation with the greatest ease possible. Of course, practical advice and foreknowledge about the impending divorce process will benefit a client psychologically as well as pragmatically.

10. Seek an experienced counselor

Expert guidance is imperative to the divorce transition and will help you navigate the divorce transition like no other. This is best obtained by a therapist/coach that works primarily in the field of divorce and has helped hundreds successfully through the separation and divorce process. Experienced divorce counseling will provide you with tools and solutions to help you get through your divorce transition with integrity and wisdom.