Divorce and Facebook

Facebook and other social networking websites can impact a marriage considerably. Issues such as online flirting, “friending” old flames, and posting sensitive private information can put significant stress on any committed relationship and, in some cases, even contribute to a later divorce.

But the potentially-harmful effects of unwise Facebook activity do not end with marital separation. In fact, your online activities as a soon-to-be-divorced individual can have long-lasting personal and legal ramifications that are just as significant.

Internet sites like MySpace and Facebook are now one of the prime sources of information used by divorce and child-custody lawyers. Those in the midst of particularly contentious divorce proceedings should assume the worst when it comes to their Facebook posts. Any inappropriate material appearing on Facebook or online that can be connected to these individuals is likely to be used as legal leverage in future court battles and/or arbitration. Questionable Facebook posts and Internet associations can also impugn one’s reputation among friends and family, thereby making the divorce process more difficult for everyone involved.

In order to eliminate potential problems of this sort, soon-to-be-divorced individuals are encouraged to curtail and censor their online social and Facebook activities for the duration of the divorce proceedings. This period of limitation and regulation can be regarded as something of a “Facebook Diet.” By faithfully adhering to the tenets of this diet, the estranged spouse can help to insure a swift and painless transition to a newly single existence. The fundamentals of the “Facebook Diet” can be outlined in nine basic points.

1. Refrain from posting significant information on Facebook until you are through with the divorce transition.

Although one should always be careful in regard to the type and amount of information one chooses to share online, individuals in the middle of a divorce should exercise a heightened level of caution. Details that would be completely innocuous at any other time can lead to disastrous results during a period of divorce. Put off those sensitive and otherwise questionable posts until well after your divorce is finalized.

2. Be cautious about posting things that will affect your divorce settlement.

It may sound obvious, but many people simply fail to see the connection between the real world of their divorce proceedings and the “cyber-reality” propagated on websites like Facebook. A good rule of thumb is never to post anything online that you would not want on the cover of The New York Times, or say in the presence of your soon-to-be-ex and her legal representation.

3. Don't post Facebook photos of your new life.

The warning issued in point number two applies to any and all forms of information. A picture is worth a thousand words; so don’t let your posted photos give people the wrong impression. Keep your private life private and your new friends and/or social activities to yourself.

4. Don't alter your Facebook “relationship status” until it is safe.

Publicizing a new relationship before your marriage is officially terminated can land an estranged spouse in considerable legal trouble. Remember that any information shared online can be used against you in court or arbitration proceedings.

5. Do not post photos of yourself with the opposite sex even if it is harmless.

Although the profound unpleasantness of divorce might drive one to engage in petty acts of revenge, it is certainly ill-advised to antagonize a soon-to-be-ex in the midst of divorce proceedings. Regardless of the motivation, plastering your homepage with pictures of yourself surrounded by members of the opposite sex will do nothing to aid in the process of legal separation. Even perfectly innocent photos may cause big personal and professional problems.

6. Be aware that anything you post on Facebook can possibly be seen by anyone

Although Facebook offers various levels of security that can restrict public access to your homepage, it is best to err on the side of caution when posting sensitive material. Many people assume that only those that they have accepted as “friends” are granted permission to view their Facebook pages, but this is typically not true. On a related note, exercise discretion when posting on the Facebook pages of others as well. You have absolutely no control over who can see the information that is displayed there.

7. If you don’t want something publicly known, then don’t post it on Facebook

Facebook is the modern-day equivalent of shouting your news from the mountaintop. It is certainly not the place to share delicate secrets.

8. Avoid connecting with an old flame on Facebook

As the emotional and psychological impact of the divorce process begins to take its toll, you might be inclined to seek out the solace of an old flame. Regardless of your intentions, the impulse to reconnect with an ex-girlfriend or ex-wife is both foolish and irresponsible. Whether it takes place online, on the telephone or in the flesh, correspondence with a previous lover will not be looked upon favorably as your divorce proceeds.

9. Remember that divorce is a transition

Something you post on Facebook today might not be relevant a few months, weeks, or even days from now. If you find yourself posting photographs or written material that strikes you as even potentially problematic, stop and give yourself a couple days to think about it before pressing “send.” You can always post tomorrow what you failed to post today, but once information has been disseminated online, it can rarely, if ever, be removed or deleted.